I was having this conversation the other day with a friend about unfulfilled expectations. She was telling me about her adventures the day before and how she got upset because things didn't go how she'd wanted them to go, but yet she had never even told her friend what she wanted to do in the first place, so how could he have avoided disappointing her when he didn't even know what she wanted to do in the first place?
Now, I am not calling her out at all, instead, when she told me that, I said I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN! I find myself doing that all the time. I'll have these lofty expectations of how I want my plans to go and when (not if, WHEN!) they don't go how I imagined, I become extremely disappointed and I tend to aim my frustrations at the person I'm with, even though it's totally not their fault. Once I realized I was doing this, I've tried to change it, but it's often so hard for me to articulate my needs that I sit and stew about it, then end up hating myself for being upset in the first place. Plus, I am a people pleaser, so a lot of the times, I will take the disappointment so that someone else doesn't feel disappointed....le sigh. Story of my life.
I don't know why I'm even writing this. I guess I am trying to work on my faults and I figure that by putting it all out there, people will keep me in check and in turn, help me be better. Also, I think I've just been feeling really strange lately. I haven't been able to sleep very well in the past couple of weeks...I wake up multiple times in the night with too many things running through my head. I need to learn how to quiet my thoughts.
Other than that, everything is ok. I am seriously so excited about Depeche Mode! :)
2 comments:
while expectations are good, having visions and dreams of what is to come. but it shouldn't take away from the moment at hand. for one of my favorite lil sutras is "the menu is not the meal", alot of times we get caught up in the words, concepts and expectations of our own thoughts of what things should be, that we miss this mysterious thing of the direct experience. in my experience of things, nothing goes according to plan. but alot of the time, that when magical moments happen, cosmic giggle slips in, if you allow it to and open to see the magic of reality.
with all these lofty words said, its long and hard road to take control of your consciousness, perhaps control is a bad word to use, but manage might serve better use. things i believe that help, metaprogramming and/or metathinking: first a mantra is a nice lil metaprogram, its a simple lil words of meaning to in fuse in your consciousness ("life is love","i'm going to be more open", "let go of negative thoughts","i am beautiful", "stop being dumb")i think its something around 20-25 times intill it seeps into your consciousness, now this stuff is happening all the time, without us directly writing the program. counter balance of metaprogramming what you really want to feel and think. metathinking, thinking about thinking, thoughts that are uncomfortable, need some time metathinking about them, which can lead to a new nice lil metaprogram to create.
but all things are easier said then done, one step at a time...
-Daniel
You always put things in perspective for me! Thanks Dan xoxo
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